So out of my normal routine I actually went out on a Friday night! When you’re the girlfriend to a drummer who is in a band that’s starting to pick up speed doing what they love, yes you go out and support said band. The atmosphere at a gig unusually different from when you’d just pop to the local pub with your mates, theres and electricity in the air that is so energizing even when you’re tired it wakes you up. Some people would possibly argue that there is no difference but there is. It the anticipation how who you’re about to see, what you’re about to hear and who you are connecting to around you. Everyone there is there for one reason, a love and respect of music. Whether they’re a musical themselves or just a fan, there is a love.
I have to admit I love watching a band play live. Even if it’s at a small venue and the crowd is a small congregation of loved ones and friends. Its a brilliant feeling being in the same room as people who want to enjoy an even out having a laugh. And when you’re watching someone you love and care about be apart of one of those bands, it makes the experience even more greater. My boyfriend, the one who always has to tap a rhythm on anything when he’s working on a beat is that person. He is the drummer of Fortify and I can say I’ve never been happier for someone watching them take on their dream.
Going to a gig though for anyone thats not used to social settings can be an anxiety ridden experience. if you know a few people then you’re set in having a group to hang out with but if you don’t, well thats were your instincts tell you to run and hide in your comfort zone. That was me… don’t get me wrong, I know the band and have met their family and partners but I still don’t know them all well enough to be completely myself and to let go of all insecurities and anxiety. I continuously feel as if people are watching and judging me. Like they are staring at me as if I’ve killed someone. I’m always expecting the worst and can’t help it. If you told me ten years ago thatI’d even be out doing anything like this I’d tell your to go take a long walk off a short pier. So yes, the dread of social gatherings has diminished slowly over the year but not quite to the point I’d like to have. Will it someday? I’d like to hope so. Can I achieve any of my dreams that involve said social gathering one day? I have my fingers firmly crossed.
I’d like to think one day I could connect to others like humans are supposed to…
(The feature photo is of the band Fortify UK at their gig at Chinnerys in Southend, Essex United Kingdom on 17/03/2017. Taken by Davina Logan. Fortify UK Facebook)